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Thursday, January 19, 2017

Recap 2016

Seems like it's a yearly thing to do this so let's get started on it!

In 2016, I entered the year bubbling with (short-lived) happiness. As usual, I was trying to stop procrastinating and start doing my assignments early – which I fail extremely badly up to date. I'm not sure if people knew, but I met someone in the end of 2015 and I was with him for a little while.  Which was why I entered the new year bubbling with happiness, for maybe just one or two months. We weren't exclusive, there wasn't any name for the relationship and it took me a long time to figure what that was. A fling. Sounds pretty ugly but yeah, I had a fling, or I was a fling. But it felt a lot more than that because while it was nothing to him, I foolishly put in effort that I should only do in relationships. I'd say I pretty much deserved it because it was obvious enough that there was zero possibility of us taking steps further, but I ignored the signs and unconsciously hung on with that hope. So one day he dropped the bomb and bam. It was the end of it. Before I met him I was already drinking a fair bit and after things ended, I lost it and I drank every single week. I even smoked, too (for a very short while). It was not something I would actually do, but well, I did. 

I drank and drank and drank and fast forward, it was the end of another school term. So I decided that I needed to pick myself up and go for a god damn break. I decided to travel alone. My initial plan was to explore Bali but because I spent so much on alcohol and adding on that I splurged a huge amount of money after my break up in 2014, I ended up having to cut down my cost and go somewhere nearer instead. Therefore, I decided that I should take up diving, again. And boy, it is one of the best decision I've ever made in 2016 (second best decision will be mentioned later). I met many new and fun people through diving and spent quite a number of my weekends in Tioman in 2016. It wasn't easy to squeeze in school, work and diving altogether in a week but somehow I managed to do so. 

However, while I was putting in all my time on school, work and dive, I started to neglect the importance of being a friend and I became a really shitty friend. It became so bad that at some point of time I actually had to put on a mask and pretend to be someone that I'm not. I became a bad person. It wasn't only until a few months later that I saw how much my friendships with the closest people around me was failing and we were literally standing on thin glass. Some sense finally broke into me and I had to put back what I broke, to try and amend the cracks in between. I'm glad it all worked out but at the end of the day, I always believe that faith is the one main element that still strings all of us together.

The second best decision that happened in 2016, was my Wesley. I could say that I spent half of my 2016 around this guy that stuck around like a lost kitten. Diving brought me to him and I couldn't be anymore thankful that this guy actually stuck by me. Humans are constantly growing and changing throughout their lifespan and I must say that my growth in 2016 was mainly due to his presence and the lessons that he's taught me– and I must say, it was all hard lessons learnt. It was difficult in the beginning because I refused to step into another relationship–with statuses, or not–and I don't want to hold onto any emotions for another guy. I hate to feel vulnerable and weak, and I thought I was pretty much done with putting in effort and time in a guy. But he came along and maybe somewhere in me holds a soft spot for him, and I don't regret any decision that I've made thus far.

He is my constant, my adviser, my listener, my consultant, my teacher, my pillar of strength and support, the cause of my joy, anger and sadness, my human bolster, my human alarm clock, my hand warmer, my dive buddy, my protector, my caretaker, my planner, my personal guide, my punching bag, my driver, my body guard, my entertainer, my comforter and most importantly, my partner, my boyfriend. I've stopped drinking ever since I started going out with him and I slowly started to focus on the stuff that matters more. My priorities shifted, and I realised that I should start doing something for my own future too. 

This year, I'll be graduating and turning to a full-fledged working adult soon. I've already decided to take up an opportunity that my boss offered to me and very soon I'll be packed with work... Which also meant that I have to sacrifice diving for a while. I hope that 2017 will be a good year ahead for both Wesley and I, and all the others around me too.

xxx

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