01:39

I've been having insomnia lately and I'm sure that everyone knows that you tend to get those 'late night thoughts' every once in a while, right? Well for my case I guess I've been getting it almost every night now. My emotions have been a train wreck recently and honestly I don't have much people in my life that I can turn to. Like the saying goes 'the older you get, the lesser friends you have' or at least something along that line. I really don't have much people to go to that's why I am coming into this space much more whenever I really need a listening ear because I'm pretty much sure that the chances of people popping by this space is extremely low.

I am not happy.

I think I've briefly mentioned before that certain something that changed me to be how I am today. I always thought I'm long over that, but I guess one thing led to another and oh well, I'm still being fucked by that certain something in another way. What would actually make me move on and finally stop being reminded of that certain something is two simple things from two different people that made it to happen.

One: An apology.

Two: A simple, Thank You.

Or maybe it's just me that always find basic courtesy to be something that is mandatory? I know I can't force these two people to give me that two things that I needed from them to make me move on. Therefore I can only let time and my own mind to learn to accept it and move on. But it's really sad, you know? I wish people can have more basic courtesy.

I pray and I wish to stop getting hurt from unnecessary things and people. And I don't want to be afraid of loving someone. I want to love as much as I did in the past without being afraid of getting hurt. Who knew that one person can change you to be afraid to love. It's so difficult to shake off that phobia that you unknowingly inflicted on me.

I just want to love someone wholeheartedly and I just want to be happy. Please.