Diary

10 May 2013, Saturday:

Today I had my first experience of clubbing in Malaysia and I drank again after not drinking for almost half a year? I was so close to letting the demons inside me to takeover my mind. Thank god I didn't and I managed to stop myself before I go feeling miserable in the club. I have had the nicest friends around me that were there to make sure that my siblings and I were all fine in the club. If you're confuse, yes, I went together with my elder brother and sister. All of us drank quite a bit, but none of us got too far off our own limit. 

It's 5:30AM and I need to get up at 8AM... I'm so exhausted, I need some rest. 

Goodnight.

*****

11 May 2014, Sunday:

Happy Mothers' Day to all the beautiful moms out there! My Mothers' Day celebration was actually held on Friday because we had a wedding dinner to attend on both Saturday and Sunday! I think it was actually my first time celebrating mothers' day in Malaysia with my other half of relatives. Usually I spend it with my Singapore relatives because to travel here to Penang... Can be tiring. My family always travel with our own transport so my dad will always have to drive 6 hours long to visit my grandmother and other relatives here! 

It's the 3rd night here and honestly the life here is so good. I have a love-hate thing when it comes to coming back to Penang every single time because I love how life here is only about sleep, eat, shop, rot and just eat. Plus when it comes to shopping, I don't even have to fork out a single cent (evil laughters). What I hate here is the weather! The heat can get so insanely warm, it's just... Insane. And you don't get air-condition so easily here as well unlike Singapore... Another thing that I hate about here is the houseflies. I know I sound like I'm a whiny and spoilt kid and everything, but I guess I have to admit that. 

Moving on! I think after 4 days here I've already gained quite some weight because my pants is getting a little more tight right now. I'm going to be so depressed! I know many of you kept going on and on about how I've lost weight and all that stuff but the actual fact is that I still have obvious fats around my body. I may not seem fat but I have fats that needs to go! 

I think I need to start running to make myself feel better about my body...

******

12 May 2014, Monday:

I am honestly gaining so much weight here in Penang! The thing I think that I'll dread the most when I get back to Singapore might be the weighing machine... But I would that that this weight gain is definite worth it because I missed all the food here so much and everything is so yummy it's almost impossible to say no to it! 

Sadly, tonight is going to be the last night for this trip and I don't think I've ever dreaded going back to Singapore when I'm here in Penang. I've always been anticipating the day whereby I'll get back home to my favourite bed in the past but this time round, it's different. Maybe it is because I'm trying to run away from those things that I've been trying to avoid in Singapore or maybe because I really enjoyed myself this time. All in all, I really wished time could stop right now at this moment. 

The night sky is so beautiful here without all the light pollution everywhere. I could stay under the stars here forever. 

*****

13 May 2014, Tuesday:

Today, I'm returning back to Singapore. It doesn't even felt like I've been away for 6 days... I'm kinda at a lost for words to say right now. 

I just saw a full rainbow, a stunning sunset and now, I'm looking up at a beautiful night sky with an almost full moon. I need so much more days of these.

*****

20 May 2014, Tuesday:

Pretty much expected of me to not write every night as what I hoped I would do. Ever since I came back to Singapore everything is just so rushed, somehow. The moment I came back, I fell sick and it's was some gastric flu or something I guess. Then the moment I've recovered I went back to work. I just kept working. 

My job keeps me busy and that's why I love my job. It's fun and the people are nice. This is the only job that I've enjoyed working at and the only job that I'm reluctant to get a mc when I'm sick. Even when I'm down with fever last week, I actually wanted to go to work but I was honestly too weak and giddy to do so thus I had to head to the docs. Working keep things off my mind... I get to forget the things I don't want to remember for a while. 

Earlier on while I was on my way home from work, something dawn upon me. Have you, yourself or any of your friends around you ever failed in many dates/ relationships that they just couldn't take the rejections anymore? And they will go saying, "I'm done trying, whatever happens will happen then." Until one day when they finally got a girlfriend/ boyfriend, they will go crazy in love and then saying all those lines like "this is all fated" or "if I didn't stop trying I don't think I'll have chance upon about us" that kind of shit. 

I know how confusing this sounds but if anyone gets this, you're smart, like me. ;) 

But anyways, this was just a completely random thought...

*****

22 May 2014, Thursday:

I'm excited! That's because I'm officially graduating tomorrow! After 3 years that seemed to fly pass so quickly, I'm done with polytechnic life and I'm done with all the presentations and daily burden reflective journals. Though I wouldn't say that I'm completely happy about the fact that I'm graduating because I have made so much friends here in republic polytechnic and this course that I ended up in actually gave me lot more than I can ever ask for. 

The first day of my year 1 is still pretty fresh to me up till now. I was a shy, small and yet pretty plump girl back then. I didn't dare to speak out during discussions and I was so nervous during presentations that I couldn't bring myself to look at my "audience". It was bad, very bad. My first bunch of classmates were not all from my course, we were a mixed course class but we were all under School of Sports. Then slowly, as I moved on to semester 2 and year 2, year 3, I met all my other course mates and boy were they wild. Honestly speaking I'd say that the wildest people I've met are either my facilitators or a bunch of my course mates. They get so hyped up so easily and they can get super rah-rah no matter how much sleep that they are lacking of, it's really pretty insane. 

I've definitely enjoyed myself for the past 3 years because of what I do for my course. People study while I have fun. It's a one of a kind diploma course that only republic polytechnic offers it! People that are passionate about the outdoors should really come to this course because you learn almost every thing about the outdoors! And you get to go overseas expeditions for your lessons as well. Is that cool or cool? 

Wait, now I sound like I'm advertising for my course. But oh well, the good stuff are worth the time! 

May I don't trip and fall on stage tomorrow. X

*****

23 May 2014, Friday:

Today, I graduated! I'm now a diploma holder and I've reached another milestone in my life but that's not the main point. The main point is that throughout these 3 years, I have gained an enormous amount of experiences and knowledge.

Although I'm not close with any of my course mates, maybe 1 or 2, but honestly I'm not close with most of them, I still want to thank them (not like they will see this) for being a part of this journey of my life. 3 years is a long time although it barely felt like 3 years went by because we are all still having so much fun.

Also, when I was in year 1, I signed up to be a student leader. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life because I've met many amazing people that were a huge part of my poly life. All of us come from different courses and we became this huge family of friends. We went from trainees to student leaders, to trainers and lastly to alumni now. I am very thankful for meeting and knowing them. Hopefully in time to come, we'll meet up occasionally for a drink or meal or just something! 

Another chapter completed, more chapters to go. I'm thankful for everyone that helped me to be who I am today. So very thankful, honestly. 

*****

25 May 2014, Sunday:

Most of the people at my workplace and all the other people that see me for the first time will always mistake me as a 18-years-old teen or someone even younger than that. I know how many of you will find that as a compliment but for my case, I'm not sure if I should be feeling fine with this. Because of how I look, most of my colleagues or other people will think that I am a kid. By that, I meant mentally. People see that I have a kid face and naturally think that I must be a kid too. Well, no. I may seem young and have this "I'm always lost and confused" look, that doesn't mean I am. 

What infuriates me even more is when those people that think of me that way are people that are younger than me. Like hey, where are your manners?! Usually when I know of someone older than me, I'll always show some respect and not try to outsmart those people because who knows, they might be some damn smart person. Just all in all, I'll naturally treat people that are older than me with the mindset that they are older and I should respect them. Isn't it supposed to be that way?

*****

27 May 2014, Tuesday:

People saw the almost perfect performance but I know what happened backstage. Nice pretense, you scary person.

I'm so glad I'm almost done fighting these demons. Just a little more to go.