It's been slightly over a week since I've ended my 4 months of internship and frankly speaking, it only felt like a month. The first day of my internship is still fresh in my mind and everything still feels so yesterday. Up till now, I think I'm still having a hard time trying to swallow down the fact that I have unofficially graduated and that I'm turning into a real adult very soon.
Before internship started, I always anticipated the day that I'll be free from studies, from school. And now that the day arrived, I felt absolutely nothing. No screams of joy, no feeling of happiness and freedom. I don't feel free. In fact, I will never be free. How could I possibly be free when right after I graduate, I only have 2 paths to choose from?
1) Get a degree.
2) Get a full-time job.
Neither of these choices will make me free. During internship, I've received countless number of times the same question that every adult I met that will ask me this question, "What do you plan to do after you graduate?"
Without fail, I'll tell each and everyone one of them, "I haven't decided yet, but I will definitely be getting a degree, just that I don't know when."
Amazingly, all of them replied the very same answer: "It's okay la, you still got a few months to think through. But I suggest you to get a degree. Still got time to think through." Okay, not all of them said the exact same thing but it does go somewhere along the lines like this.
Yeah, I agreed with them at that point of time that I still have plenty of time left to think about my future, my life after I graduate. But how wrong was I. I delayed and fail to plan about my future. Days went by and baam, I came to the end of my internship. Right now, I still have no idea what to do. I'm still in the process of accepting the whole fact that I no longer have school. After 17 years of constant education, my life is taking a huge leap and I'm so foreign to this place, this mental environment.
(I'm not sure if I made any sense. I typed this with my phone so I didn't check for any errors and did any editing to it. I wrote what I thought and felt... It's messy up here in my head.)
All in all, the whole point of this whole post is to say that, I'm lost. I don't know if I'll be able to help myself or do I need someone to guide me out of this mess. I'm a mess. My life is turning into a mess that I'm unfamiliar with. This change is so new and foreign. I don't wish to prolong this mess yet I have no idea how to deal with this. Someone. Anyone. Advice me. Please.
And I hope people can stop flooding me with the questions, "What job are you going to look for now?", "Do you plan on going uni?", "Are you not going to get a job?", "What are you doing right now?" Etc. I'm getting so sick of receiving these questions. I'm running out of answers.
I'm just... Lost.
:(
Hai iviviviviv. There is absolutely no need to be afraid, or be lost because of changes going on to your life. Graduating from school is only just another phase you need to go through in your life. For myself, i feel that the only thing you need to plan is financially stability then can you find yourself be satisfied in life doing things you want. No, i'm not at that stage yet, but i know what i can do to achieve it. Its the only real thing you can plan. You can never plan for a failure, plan for a problem. Its too unpredicting. And if you only plan when things go your way, its no use. So just don't worry, and love life. You have your family, friends, and the one you may depend quite alot on, your boyfriend. Jiayou!
ReplyDeleteI don't know who you are, but thank you for this. May you reach that stage soon as well. All the best! :)
ReplyDeletemmhmm! there's a reason why i left this anon. :>
ReplyDeleteoh and, don't stop being cute! Quite a frequent visitor of your blog :>
Your typing is really familiar! I'm guessing you know me personally? And you were the one that left a question on my previous ask.fm!!
ReplyDeleteyou don't know that I know your blog.
ReplyDelete