2026

It’s been such a long time since I’ve been here! I do pop by this little space once in a while when I get bored (or more of when I can’t sleep and my mind starts to wander at random stuff, lol) and get myself entertained reading at my younger self’s thoughts. It’s pretty amazing how much time has passed, and so much has changed since then. 

Somehow as I grow older I seem to have lost the interest to document down everything in my life. Which I felt that kinda sucks because I actually do enjoy reading the stuff I wrote down here. I won’t be able to remember every single stuff that happened in my life so it’s nice that I still get to get reminded on my past a little whenever I come into this space. Also, I don’t think anyone else actually still comes here to read anymore. This space feels like my private yet not-so-private little space and I like that. 

I used to be a person that loves expressing my feelings and thoughts but I haven’t been able to do that for a long time… Putting my feelings out here always makes me feel better and over the years I forgot such a space existed. But I guess that’s ok seeing how I’ve managed to silently get through the hard times throughout the years and still surviving. 

Anyways, what got me here to this space today was because I got reminded of my past that still haunts me every now and then. I guess I may never get past this…? It’s been over a decade and it still gets me at times. I really do wish I was wiser back then otherwise I wouldn’t have made such a stupid mistake that costed my relationship. As I always say, I don’t feel regretful over that relationship. I feel regretful on how it ended. It was a relationship that was never meant to last till marriage but the least I could have done was to end it on a nicer note. 

They say firsts are always the hardest. I guess that’s true… I’m still sorry for what I did. And I do hope he’s the happiest he’ll ever be now. 

Be happy, hun. 

04:50

Does happiness finds one, or does one find happiness? Are humans truly able to decide on their fate based on their choices, or are they forced to accept it even if it did not felt right – because it is the easiest, safest and most convenient way for everyone? You save on the emotional roller coaster ride and there is no need to explain to anyone on why you want to decide on your own life choices. At which point do people really decide that they want to live their life the way they want to? To live it only for themselves, and not anyone else? How do people build up the courage to step out of their comfort zone, drop everything on hand, and go pursue what they felt was truly right for them?

202 1.

It’s one of those nights where you can’t seem to fall asleep and the past seems to haunt you more than it does over the last few month. This time, it made me want to note it down somewhere – that I may one day look back at and get reminded that ‘hey, this happened.’

There were actually a few nights that I logged into this page and wrote a chunk of stuff here, but I ended up hitting the delete button and went to bed instead ‘cos I didn’t know how to start the topic going so I just gave up typing. 

Well I guess I don’t have that much to say and I just wanted this to be a reminder to myself that time does not always heal everything. There are certain events and memories that will always pop out in your head at the most random times or when you thought you had long forgotten and moved on. I’ve came to the conclusion that it will always resurface and remind me about it – no matter how much ‘closure’ I’ve done to make sure that the whole event is over and it shouldn’t affect me anymore. 

I really wished that there was such thing as time travel during times like these. I wished I had more courage 7 years ago and I wished I embraced time 5 years ago.

I could only wish.