09:52

It is close to 10AM, and yes, I am actually awake and writing this post. Also, I am in school. It is a Saturday and I am supposed to be in my bridging class listening to lecture but I am late so I can only enter the lecture at the next timing that I am allowed to. I am late for class, as usual. I never had the tendency to try to be early to class. I would like to think that I did, but I knew I never tried hard enough. 

It has been a tough time lately. Everyday is exhausting and I am so drained. The only factor I can put the blame on, of course, is myself, again. Days, months and years have gone by and I always promised that I would improve on my time management skills but it never happened. Perhaps I always have the mindset that things will be fine and nothing will go wrong, ever, and this is true so far. I have been incredibly fortunate to be constantly blessed by so many things and people around me. Be that as it may, I know that I will not possibly be this fortunate for the long run. One day things will bound to fall to ground zero and when that day comes, I very much believe that I will be thoroughly broken and helpless. 

There has been a ton of negativity around me recently and I kept fighting them away, finding all sorts of positive alternatives to make the situation to look brighter and better. But, how long can I last? All of what is happening has taken a toll on me and I am still unable to find myself, to catch a breather, to lie down and just stare into blank space. You know, I really want to be in a place whereby I can just lay back and watch the world does it's magic; when the sun rises and the early bird catches the worm, the sound of waves crashing on the rocks, the beauty of mother nature... You get what I mean? No school, no work, no money, no feelings, no attachments, nothing. I want to be free and not bounded by whatever that is holding me down at the moment. 

One quarter of the year is over and it is a new month again. This time round, I am truly alone. And I plan to stay like this for a while, I honestly do. I know opening up to people may be a better choice but I opened up to too many people and every time it only felt like they left me out on the road to be run over by vehicles, over and over again. The past few months of happiness was short-lived. I do not deny that I am upset, but I knew what I was getting myself into and I was already prepared for this. Even so, I still got affected. Nevertheless, life still moves on, with or without that happiness I had. I will forgive, and I will hold on to the good times. And I thank you, for allowing me to learn something new about myself. Be happy, you.