01:50

One thing about me that I absolutely loved doing is observing people; the way that they act, they talk, their actions, their behavior  etc. Humans are amazing creatures and each of them are different in their little ways. There are a few people that I'm not particularly fond of the first time I get to know them because hey, first impression matters to me. If you're weird and creepy during the first impression, yeah that's kinda it. I will find all means to try and avoid you. But obviously certain things always happens at the very wrong timing. For example you just met a friend's friend and just so at that moment, you sneezed and your booger came out or something like that. That, is wrong timing. 

For me, if I'm not fond of that person during the first meeting, it's probably due to their behavior and the way they talk. Some people try too hard to impress others it becomes a major turn off. I don't know if it's just me, but I find it really obvious when a person is just boasting, bragging, exaggerating or lying. However I can't tell for everyone, just most people. It's easy to tell when someone is pretending to trying to mask their true self as well after you know them a little more. Whenever I see this other side of a person, the first thing I'll usually feel is disgusted. I mean, you look nice and all but actually deep down you're all mean and selfish. But that's how most humans are, right? We don't think of why they want to be like this and instead we just think that they are fake and pretentious. 

I often wonder how do people think of me during first impressions because I'm usually a more reserved and quiet person when I meet new people. I know people judge, so I'll rather they think that I'm quiet and reserved compared to fake and loud. I never want to be that kind of person and I hope I am not. Well, for those that are pretty close to me, they should know that I'm actually not that quiet and on the contrary, I can be really annoying at times. 

I think a lot, and I observe everyone, even the ones around me. The closest ones. When they do certain things out of the usual way that they do, I tend to overthink. So much so that I end up making myself to feel upset and all negative. This is something I really hate about myself. I can't stop myself from being like this. And right now the reason I am writing all of these is because I am overthinking and I am upset. 

I wish certain things aren't the way that they are. I wish I gave myself time to think  things through. I wish things aren't so complicated to deal with. I wish I had a solution to everything. I wish I can do something about myself. 

I am happy with whatever I have, but I wished I didn't have to drag certain people along with me. I haven't even settled my own shit and I don't think I'm stable enough. I'm just dragging people down. 

I don't want a break, but I need a break. I need to breathe.